Regeneration
by relaxovision
Summary: Set after On My Way: When Quinn wakes up in a hospital bed the first thing she hears is Rachel's voice telling her she'll be ok. As it turns out, though, they both need time to heal.
1. Chapter 1

_**AN:** This is going to be a two-shot. I hate what's happening to Quinn on the show and writing is the only way to counter the rage. Fortunately in fanfiction Quinn and Rachel can always be happy._

_I'm normally a big fan of logic and doing your research, but I wanted Rachel to care for Quinn and no real life medical conditions will keep me from writing that. _

* * *

><p>Her eyes flutter open and her head hurts.<p>

She's awake but not quite and her eyelids feel heavy as if she hadn't slept in ages. She's in a bed, no doubt, and it's bright outside and her head hurts. But the pillow is soft.

Quinn decides to go back to sleep.

* * *

><p><em>I never told you that, but the moment we first met I immediately wanted to be your friend. I was a nothing, a nobody; at least, that's what other people always thought of me. I must admit that I was angry. Maybe I even hated them for everything they put me through.<em>

A dream. A voice. Muffled noises and heat on her face.

_But even though you put me through a lot as well I could never bring myself to hate you. You wanted to seem so tough and strong; you did your best to be feared and keep everyone at a safe distance. Truth is that I always felt a connection with you. _

The headaches have vanished.

_I guess I sensed that despite your reputation, or maybe because of it, you were just as lonely as I was. I wanted to be your friend, because we both needed one more than we needed anything else in the world._

_I still do._

Quinn opens her eyes and blinks against the brightness. How long has she been asleep?

"I really need you."

Reality starts washing over her, dragging her out of her dreams, pushing her into the mattress below her, making her head pound once more and her skin burns. She has a funny taste on her tongue and the material she's wrapped in itches.

Suddenly there's an extra weight on her chest and when she looks down it takes a few seconds before her brain draws a connection between the brunette hair that's splayed across her blanket and a name.

"Rachel?"

It's barely more than a whisper and yet it seems to cause an earthquake as dark eyes find hers and two arms are suddenly wrapped around her and fingers are pressing into her skull. It's too real; it's too much too soon.

"Ow." she breathes out and Rachel backs off, ever so slightly.

"You're ok."

Soft lips press against her temple and Rachel's palm cups her cheek.

Quinn closes her eyes.

"I'm a little tired."

_It's ok. You're ok. You're ok and I'll stay until you wake up. I'll stay, because no matter how big the distance between us seems we could never stay away from each other. I can't stay away from you and I won't anymore. I'll stay. I'll stay until you're here with me again._

* * *

><p>"One. Two. Three. Lift."<p>

Rachel turns out to be a lot stronger – and even more persistent – than expected. Quinn lands softly on her bed and despite all her attempts to send Rachel away, she's still there, stuffing pillows into her back, bringing her homework every day after school, carrying her up- and downstairs together with her mom or the nurse they hired.

"You really don't have to…"

But as usually she's cut off:

"I want to."

They avoid looking at each other at all costs. Quinn is too embarrassed to thank Rachel properly for everything and Rachel… who knows what Rachel is thinking.

"Rachel, are you staying for dinner?"

Dark eyes shift nervously and shoot a quick glance at Quinn, but fail to find an answer.

After a few uncomfortable seconds Judy smiles. "I insist you stay. I'll call your dads. Dinner should be ready in about an hour."

And then they're alone.

Rachel sits on the edge of the mattress, fumbling with a corner of a pillow. All Quinn can do is look down her damaged body. She can feel her legs and she can feel the pain. But she can't walk, not yet. The surgery went smoothly and the doctors predicted she'll fully recover eventually. For now, though, her orders are to rest and show up at physiotherapy twice a week. There are wounds, cuts, bruises and stitches. Most of them probably won't scar too badly, but she'll have her reminders. She'll always have reminders of her own stupidity and how Rachel took the blame for it. She'll always be reminded of the day the one true friendship she had turned into a relationship based on dependency and guilt.

She wills her eyes off her body and looks out the window instead. On days like this when she's frustrated and sad about everything she'd usually go running. Now she's stuck in bed with her emotions and Rachel Berry, the girl who turned from a nemesis to… whatever.

Quinn really misses running.

"Soon." Rachel says barely over a whisper. "You'll be better soon." She takes her hand and Quinn lets her squeeze it.

"I know you're sad. I can't possibly understand how terrible this must be for you right now and I won't pretend everything's fine."

Quinn tilts her head and looks down on their intertwined fingers. Rachel is not wearing her ring, because she never got married. She wanted to support Rachel and instead ended up ruining everything.

"And you don't have to be embarrassed about me helping you. I'm really doing this for myself. I'm being selfish."

Quinn remembers waking up in the hospital and hearing Rachel talk. It was the first thing she heard after the accident and strangely enough, it was the first thing she wanted to hear. Maybe it was, because she knew Rachel's voice so well and the familiarity made her feel safe; maybe it was because Rachel didn't insist on her answering. Maybe it was, because Rachel just kept talking in a low voice and demanded Quinn would be ok. It was a nice dream, a soothing background noise.

Right now it feels exactly like that again. Rachel is talking and Quinn is listening, unable to respond.

"It's ok if you don't want to talk. You don't have to. You're going to be ok and that's all that matters."

Quinn leans back and closes her eyes. She feels Rachel scoot a little closer and her knee is lightly touching her waist now.

"I know who you were long before you knew about me. That's probably true for everyone you know, but I think I never told you that everything I did was to get your attention. I didn't realize it back then, but what I did realize was that I was intrigued by you. You seemed to be my opposite and yet we were so alike."

Quinn stirs and tries to lie down properly, but the pillows are in the way and she can't move a lot without her neck hurting and her legs hurting and her wrist hurting and her rib cage hurting.

"Here. Let me help you."

Immediately Rachel goes to work again. She lifts Quinn's torso carefully, pulls one of the pillows aside and gently lays her down again.

"Better?"

Quinn nods. It's the first real interaction they've had all day and the corners of Rachel's lips shoot up for a second.

She sits back down, even closer to Quinn than before, and continues.

"I'm an attention whore." She giggles and it makes Quinn smile, too. "But the only opinion I ever really cared about was yours. I always needed you to be there for me and then when you finally were I didn't listen and I don't even know why. I was so stupid and I almost ruined my life. Instead I ruined yours."

Quinn opens her eyes and for the first time in a long time looks at Rachel who looks back at her.

"I can't deal with your guilt right now. I'm sorry." she says. "But for what it's worth, I don't blame you at all."

She closes her eyes again and waits for Rachel to go on. But Rachel doesn't.

When they look at each other again, Rachel is biting her lip. "I didn't want to burden this on you." she finally says. It's Quinn's turn to take Rachel's hand and squeeze. "Please just continue. Tell me about you. Anything. Just keep talking."

"Are you sure you want to hear this?"

Quinn nods a second time and frowns, because she can't roll on to her side and lying on her back is becoming uncomfortable.

"I'm not in love with Finn. I was just in love with the idea of being in love with him. It's not even his fault. I guess I'm so used to being hated all the time that I just really wanted someone to love me."

Quinn squeezes again. Somehow now she's the one comforting Rachel and it's a huge relief. It feels so much better than being cared for, having the shattered pieces of her dignity being ripped from her one by one.

"I guess that's something else we have in common. It wasn't until you told me not to get married that I understood you wanted my attention just as much as I wanted yours. I must admit that," Rachel pauses and Quinn turns her head into her direction. Her eyes are closed but she can feel Rachel sitting close to her. She can smell her, too. It's comforting.

"For a while I thought you had a crush on me."

Quinn tenses and squeezes her eyes shut. Before she can even think to say anything, Rachel continues:

"It made sense after all you did to me. Or so it seemed. Everything you ever did somehow revolved around me. We were always like magnets, drawn to each other, and yes, it was destructive at times, but I understand now that your only reason to be mean was because you didn't have anyone who cared about you. And I guess, because I didn't have anyone who cared about me, either, I misinterpreted your behavior. You wanted me – or anyone - to care so you picked on me to get my attention. And I wanted you – or anyone - to care so I made myself believe that you were in love with me."

She chuckles and Quinn swallows hard.

"It seems so silly now, because that's exactly what happened with Finn, too. I wanted him to care so I made up a whole relationship. There's one difference, though, but I'm not going to tell you that now."

Quinn opens her eyes. "Why not?"

"Because dinner is ready soon and I want to save some parts for the other days I'll talk to you while you rest."

* * *

><p>"I can do this on my own."<p>

"Nonsense, Quinn. You'll just slip and hurt yourself."

"The nurse could help me instead. Really, you don't have to do this."

"I told you. I want to. But if you insist, I could call your mom up…"

"Oh god, no. Ok, just…"

"I won't act weird. I promise."

Quinn feels her cheeks flush as Rachel tugs at the hem of her sweater and pulls it over her head. Once upon a time she was able to lift her arms and get undressed and take a shower. Now she needs assistance for everything. Her shoulder was dislocated and is still weak and she probably could undress herself, but it would take an eternity and hurt like hell.

Rachel has already filled the tub with water and keeps checking the temperature.

"I'm doing this for you, but I'm also doing it for myself. So, thank you for letting me help you."

Quinn unbuttons her jeans and let Rachel pull them down. Bending down so far is still impossible with her bruised ribs and a slightly ripped midriff. It should be embarrassing, but Rachel is so careful and so gentle and she doesn't stare or comment on anything so it's actually quite bearable considering the circumstances.

There's a soft knock on the door.

"Do you need help in there?"

Rachel shoots Quinn a questioning glance. It's not on her to decide, so Quinn replies:

"No, mom. We're fine."

Again Rachel doesn't comment; her expression doesn't even change, despite the relief washing over her. Quinn trusts her. She reaches around and opens Quinn's bra and pulls it off and ducks her head and avoids Quinn's eyes.

Quinn just stares at the bathroom door and hopes this will be over soon.

When Rachel's fingertips hook into the waistband of her panties, Quinn stiffens.

"I have to…" she all but whispers so despite the fact that all the embarrassment Quinn had been able to suppress up until now just kicked in with full force, she lifts herself up a little so Rachel can pull down her underwear. It'll just take longer if she starts acting weird now and it'd make both of them even more uncomfortable.

She bites her lip, because lifting her own weight actually hurts and Rachel sees the grimace she makes and is quickly by her side.

"I can't carry you alone, but if you can walk a few steps with me aiding you I'll help you get into the tub."

Quinn nods her permission and Rachel puts Quinn's arm around her shoulders and pushes her up. When they stand Quinn tumbles and swings her other arm around the shorter girl as well and –god- that's just too much. She struggles hard to fight back the tears. Where has her dignity gone? Where did Quinn Fabray go?

Rachel notices but again doesn't comment and Quinn is beyond grateful for that. She leads her to the edge of the tub and makes her sit on the edge. Quinn lifts her legs and, with Rachel's help, slowly slides down into the water.

"Is the temperature ok?"

It is.

"I'll be just outside then. Call me if you need anything."

But as she turns to go, Quinn grabs Rachel's arm.

"Could you tell me again?"

For a second Rachel just stands there silently, wondering.

"Could you tell me that I'm going to be ok again?"

Their eyes meet and hazel eyes turn dark and brown eyes turn darker.

Rachel sits down besides the tub. "I'm going to do better than that." she says. "I'm going to sit here with my back to you, leaned against the tub and I'm going to tell you anything you want me to. And Quinn?"

"Hm?"

"You're going to be ok very soon."

* * *

><p>"I broke up with Finn."<p>

Rachel hears water splashing behind her but makes sure to never turn around and look. Her eyes are fixed on the sink instead.

"He made an ultimatum. He said we either get married now or never; so I chose never. We fought and he cried and I cried, too, because I really wanted to marry him. But not like this. Not when it's all about him and everything's on his terms. As I said, it's not even his fault. I let him do this to me; I let myself being suffocated, because I needed his attention so much that I forgot why. I forgot that it was never supposed to be all about getting him to notice me; it was about being noticed in general, for my musical talent and maybe even some of my personality traits. Instead I was noticed, because I kept running after him until he finally gave in."

The splashing stops and it's silent for a moment.

"And then I wondered why I always felt like I had to go on fighting for attention." she laughs softly and looks down at her hands. "I was so delusional." Now that she said it, it suddenly feels real. She's broken up with Finn, the boy she had been fighting for (and with) for almost three years.

"Could you… I want to wash my hair, but…"

Rachel turns around and smiles at Quinn. She looks so vulnerable, like she'd break if Rachel touched her. She thinks how ironic this is considering what Quinn survived.

"I've always admired you." she says as she takes a cup from the sink and fills it with water. "You're so strong. You never ran after any boy like I did. You took what you wanted instead and they came running after you."

Quinn leans back as hot water runs over her skull. Rachel takes the bottle of shampoo and starts massaging some into Quinn's hair.

She wonders if her stare could finish what the truck started, if it would make Quinn break. Glass cut her face and arms and metal bruised the rest of her body, but she's still here in one piece. Rachel thinks that maybe the truck missed Quinn's body and hit her self-worth instead; like her spirit was threatening to fall apart beneath her fingertips and if she pressed down too hard Quinn would shatter into pieces.

And then, seeing Quinn naked in more than one way she wants to be there when the breakdown happens. She wants nothing more than to be the one who'll pick up the pieces and glue them back together. Maybe if she can keep Quinn's soul together the scratches and cuts and stitches and bruises will disappear as well. Or maybe it's the other way around; maybe she could trace every wound with her index finger and talk it away and care for Quinn until she's healed and then the real Quinn will automatically come back.

Right now the only thing she feels she can do is to let Quinn know that there's no need for her to be embarrassed, simply by not addressing the situation.

"And then," she starts again. "When I was finished running after you and was close to ruining my life, you suddenly came running after me and I realized that you want to be my friend just as much as I want you in my life."

She rinses Quinn's hair gently, covering her forehead with one hand to protect her eyes from shampoo. Quinn hisses and Rachel realizes there's another cut at her hairline that she didn't see before. It must burn at the contact with soap. "I almost got it all out now." she says, pouring some more water over that exact spot to clean it, running her fingers through blonde locks.

"You should get rid of the bangs. I liked your long hair better."

Well, that came out of nowhere. Rachel smiles and continues rinsing.

"But you used to mock me for my old haircut."

"Yea, well, I was a stupid bitch and I couldn't find any real flaws."

They laugh until Quinn winces in pain.

"I can't even laugh anymore."

Rachel hears Quinn choke and sees her lip quiver. She empties another cup of water over Quinn's head and strokes blonde strands away from her face, tucking them behind Quinn's ears.

"I talk a lot." she says softly. It's only partly meant to be a joke.

"That's not a flaw. Your talking is the only reason why we still have a Glee club."

Rachel sets the cup aside. "All clean now." she says and Quinn nods her permission again before letting Rachel lift her up once more to make her sit on the edge of the tub.

Rachel hands her a towel and wraps a second around Quinn's hair.

"This is really frustrating." Quinn sighs and Rachel takes the towel from her hand to dry her legs and feet. "Thanks." Quinn whispers with flushed cheeks when she's fully dressed again and sitting in her wheelchair.

"You're going to be ok. I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **So that took a little longer than I expected. As I said before, this story is not about making a lot of sense, just about Rachel and Quinn spending some quality time together. Writing lovely drabbles keeps me from thinking too much about that probably the wrong half of all these spoilers will be true. I'm already offended.

* * *

><p><strong>Regeneration part 2<strong>

It's been two weeks since Quinn got released from hospital.

The wheelchair is still necessary most of the time, but Quinn's body is slowly regaining its strength and the doctors strongly recommended Quinn should go back to school as soon as possible. They said it's important for her to get back to her old life and be surrounded by the people she knows and face reality and get back into the routine of all day life.

Basically everything Quinn wants to hide from.

But despite all attempts to talk her way out of this, the doctors and her mom insisted Quinn would recover sooner if she went back.

So on the morning before her first day at school she finds herself struggling with tears. She wants to cry, because of all the looks and whispers she'll have to endure. Up until now she and Rachel had built a secure bubble around themselves; a fairy tale world which only belonged to them and in which the rules of sick and healthy and pity and blame didn't apply.

What's to follow in about two hours, though, is real and harsh. Quinn feels her heart sink and her chest is so tight she thinks she might faint. Sure, the wheelchair will be gone again soon and Artie had texted her offering his help. Sure, everyone had called her and acted very compassionate and respectful. But Quinn thinks that maybe that's exactly what she doesn't want.

Maybe she likes it in her bubble with Rachel. Maybe she's afraid that once it bursts she'll shatter like she was supposed to when that truck hit her.

Maybe she just doesn't want to talk about the accident. Of course, she'll have to, eventually. But shouldn't it be on her to decide when the time is right? Quinn wipes away the single tear that has found its way down her cheek and pulls her phone out of her pocket.

There's already a message waiting for her.

"You'll be ok."

Perhaps there is a chance to keep their little world that she so desperately clings to for a little longer. She replies:

"Wait for me by the entrance?"

The answer follows immediately: "Of course."

Maybe she will be ok.

* * *

><p>"Ready?"<p>

Rachel can see how much Quinn is struggling and it's heart breaking in two ways. On the one hand she hates to see Quinn suffer. She wants her to be the person she'd become before everything good was ripped from her. Rachel wants Quinn to be the Cheerio who'd soon go to Yale with her heart full of hope and song. She'd worked so long to force that Quinn to come to the surface of the porcelain shell she had hid behind and then a stop sign and a text message and a truck took it all away. Sure she'll still go to Yale, but will she ever be Quinn again? Two seconds managed to destroy two years of work.

On the other hand Quinn's struggle is a confirmation that Rachel is still needed and as much as she hates this narcissistic side on herself, Rachel really needs to be needed, especially by Quinn. She caused this misery her new (best?) friend is now stuck in and Rachel doesn't feel like she deserves it to see Quinn get better just yet. It's a terrible thought and it causes a wicked circle of guilt and shame, but right now she's unable to escape. If Quinn got better it would almost be like the accident never happened. They'd move on and Rachel would be stuck with her guilty conscience all by herself without a chance to redeem herself.

Also, she'd loose Quinn.

But right now all that doesn't matter, because her books are lying on Quinn's lap and they're having their first period together and they're going to have lunch together and they're going to do their homework together and they're going to have dinner together and their little world is still intact.

When Quinn nods the insecure flicker in her eye hasn't vanished. The girl who used to be able to break people with her stare can now barely muster up the courage to look others in the eye.

As they make their way through the hallway Rachel starts to feel claustrophobic. Every time someone turns their head into Quinn's direction she fears the pressure will become too much and they will both implode.

And when Finn comes in her line of vision and just ducks his head and shoots her an angry glance before walking on without even saying 'hi' she's about to hyperventilate. She gets that he's mad at her for breaking up with him. It hurt his ego and his feelings. One second she agrees to become his wife and the next she ends the relationship. But he walks on and he doesn't even acknowledge Quinn, because he's too far up his own ass and it's just too much. It makes Rachel be overwhelmed by her own hurt and anger and suddenly all her thoughts are centered around her relationship with Finn again and how dense she must have been the entire time.

This isn't right. It should be about Quinn, about her struggles and about Rachel helping her getting through this. She feels selfish and she feels guilty because of that and then she feels guilty for not being able to just step out of her narcissism.

"Tell me something." Quinn says, voice calm as ever and Rachel knows she does it for both of them. She steps in when Rachel can't stop herself.

Rachel smiles and plants a light kiss on top of Quinn's head. It's her way of saying thanks without actually saying it. But her thoughts are still stuck in the moment so the only thing she can come up with is:

"I never really had friends. It means a lot to me having you in my life now." She pauses and ponders if she should really say the next few words.

"I'm afraid of losing you."

And Quinn interrupts her again:

"Can we not do this?" she pleads. "I'm kinda panicking here and as much as I'd want to be able to respond to that, it's hard for me to think straight."

"Of course." Rachel answers and she's not even hurt, because she knows it's about time to get her own head out of her own ass. She gulps.

Quinn stops and turns her wheelchair and then she does something Rachel would never have expected in a lifetime. She tugs at Rachel's hand and makes her sit on her lap.

"I don't want to hurt you." Rachel says, her voice barely over a whisper, cheeks flushed crimson and she suddenly feels like her 5'2 small body weighs a ton and could break Quinn's legs or something. She shifts from one butt cheek to another in an unavailing attempt to be lighter for Quinn.

But Quinn just smiles. "It's really ok. Just distract me a little, ok?"

Rachel smiles back at her and swings her arms around Quinn's neck. How could she deny her that?

"Have I ever told you how I knew about that crack house?"

* * *

><p>Another week has passed and as much as Rachel loves to see Quinn getting better it makes her sad to think she'll soon have to say goodbye. It could happen any day now, actually. Quinn will tell her to go and she'll have to leave. She'll have to face her own life again.<p>

"How's your vocal training going?"

There it is. Quinn makes the question seem casual, flipping through the book on her lap, but she must know the weight behind those words.

"It's going fine."

It's a lie. She's not uploaded a single video since Quinn's accident and she hasn't practiced her scales properly for almost two weeks.

"You don't have to come here every day."

Rachel gulps.

"But I want to."

"Look", Quinn rolls over to the bedside on which Rachel is sitting and does her best to smile. "I'm grateful for everything you've done for me, but it's far more than enough. You can't neglect your own life over caring for me."

But Rachel shakes her head. "I know that." she says in a tiny voice. "I just really want to." By now Quinn has learned all of Rachel's expressions by heart. They've spent so much time together that reading Rachel Berry comes as naturally to her as breathing. So she notices the flicker in the girl's eye and gives in.

"Ok. But you have to promise me that you'll practice more. You have your NYADA audition soon, remember?" Rachel beams.

"If you want you can practice here. I'll feel terrible if you don't get into NYADA, because you've spent your time with a cripple instead."

Rachel's mouth falls open, but snaps back shut when she sees Quinn smirk. At least she's got her sense of humor back.

* * *

><p>"I could do this alone, you know."<p>

Quinn protests as Rachel helps her get into bed and she takes it as a good sign. Quinn's regaining her willpower, her strength.

"I know you could, but this is faster."

The cuts and bruises and stitches and scratches don't look all that bad anymore and they don't seem to hurt that much, either. Rachel knows that their time together is almost up. She doesn't even understand why Quinn still accepts her help at all. She doesn't really need any help at all anymore.

"Do you think you'll come back to Glee?"

Quinn lies down to rest her head on the pillows Rachel has stacked behind her and turns away.

"I won't be able to sing for a while. My midriff…"

Rachel nods her understanding and takes Quinn's hand.

"Of course it won't be easy, but I've done some research and with the right training you'll be able to catch up quickly. Actually, I could…" but she doesn't dare to finish that sentence. The more Quinn is getting better the more Rachel feels like a burden, like she's forcing herself on to Quinn. She's doing it all for herself, after all.

"I'd love that." Quinn says and smiles softly.

* * *

><p>Ever since Quinn got back to school she's gotten a lot stronger and Rachel thinks that maybe soon she'll be fully healed on the inside… and then on the outside, too. Maybe then Quinn will be able to deal with reality, outside of the world they hide in. Maybe Rachel will be able to forget about her guilt when the time comes.<p>

They do their homework together and they have dinner together. Rachel practices for her audition and Quinn is being a pain in the ass with her comments.

"You were off key."

"I was not!"

"Your timing was off."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not so sure this song is a wise choice."

Rachel huffs and frowns every time, but she's very grateful for Quinn's advice. She's also grateful that Quinn is obviously so much better now. And she's grateful that Quinn still wants her around.

Rachel never had a best friend before.

But now that she's sitting in Quinn's lap, her arms around her neck, she knows that she does have a best friend.

"Tell me something." Quinn demands.

Rachel bites her lip and wonders if the time has come. So she tries.

"Do you want to know now?" she asks and Quinn smiles.

"Know what?"

"The difference between Finn and you."

There's a pause and Rachel fears she's overstepped her boundaries by miles and at Warp 9.8 and when she sees Quinn slowly shaking her head she attempts to get up again.

But Quinn holds her back.

"Stay." she says and Rachel obliges.

"Is it ok if I say I can't deal with this right now?" It sounds like an honest question, as if Quinn was afraid to break Rachel just as much as Rachel was so afraid to break her. So Rachel puts her arms back around Quinn's neck and answers:

"Of course."

* * *

><p>"I'm having nightmares." Quinn admits when they're both sitting on Quinn's bed a week later, doing their science homework together.<p>

Rachel looks up from her book and searches Quinn's face, but their eyes never meet. Instead Quinn keeps her head down when she continues:

"I haven't slept properly since the accident, because every time I close my eyes I hear glass shatter and I see blood and I feel the impact of that truck hitting the side of my car again. And I'm so afraid that I'll never see Beth again or you or mom."

It's the first time that Quinn opens up to Rachel and probably to anyone and Rachel feels her heart beating out of her chest from pride. And just like a couple of weeks ago she decides to remain passive in order not to destroy this moment. Any wrong word, any clumsy gesture could scare Quinn of and push her back into the comfort of her hiding spot deep down beneath pale skin where no one can see her.

So she just sits there quietly, her hands in her lap, and listens.

"People always say that in dangerous situations you see your life flashing before your eyes, but the truth is, nothing like that happened. Everything happened so fast. One moment I was in the car and the next I was in a hospital bed with the memory of all these different noises in my ears and just…pain… everywhere. I don't know if in my dreams my mind is trying to make up for that by giving everything that was supposed to happen when the truck hit me." She bites her lip and her hands are shaking. Rachel contemplates taking them into hers but refrains from doing so when Quinn clenches them instead.

"It's so silly, because the accident is over. I should have been scared then, but I wasn't, because I never had the chance. Instead I'm scared now. It doesn't make sense, but I'm just so terrified."

And then she looks at Rachel and tears spill over and Rachel sees that it's impossible for her to keep speaking. So she scoots a little closer, just enough to emphasize that she's there; that she's not going anywhere; that Quinn won't lose her. Quinn is sobbing quietly and Rachel is so tempted. Her arms twitch when she wonders if she could hug Quinn now and Quinn, who notices, just falls against her chest and cries and Rachel lets her.

It feels good and it feels horrible. Quinn's scared. Quinn's scared of losing everyone she loves. Quinn won't leave her.

She wraps her arms around the girl and lets her own shirt soak up Quinn's tears. "You're going to be ok."

But Quinn shakes her head this time. "That's not enough anymore, Rachel." she says between sobs and Rachel knows. Quinn's legs will heal and the scars will fade and once every wound is healed Quinn will be under the pressure of being ok. If no one can see you're injured you don't have a right to suffer. This thought finally shatters her guilty conscience. The need to point fingers and burden herself with blame dissolves and is replaced by honest compassion. She doesn't have to redeem herself. She just has to, she wants to, be there for her friend. "I'm here." she adds. "I'm here and I'm not going to go away. When you first woke up I promised I'd wait for you. I said I can't stay away from you and I'll keep that promise. I'll stay as long as you want me to, and if it's forever."

It seems to calm Quinn a little and she backs of a few inches to look up at Rachel's face. Her cheeks are red and her eyes are puffy and her eyelashes are wet. "Can you stay tonight? I really want to sleep."

"Of course."

* * *

><p><em>You're safe. You don't have to be afraid. I'm here and Beth is still there, waiting for your next weekend together, and everyone else at school is safe and sound in their beds at home and you're going to see them again very soon.<em>

Her eyes flutter open and she realizes that her cheeks are wet. There's a pounding in her head and she hears the breaks of her car shrieking and she feels glass cutting her skin and she thinks that she might lose her vision if she gets splinters into her eyes.

Everything hurts.

_It's ok, Quinn. It's just a dream. You're safe. You're in your bed._

And then it doesn't hurt, because she's in her bed and there's a soft blanket covering her body and her face is buried in Rachel's chest. She reaches out and pulls her closer and lets her tears dry as her heart starts slowing down. She keeps her eyes closed and focuses on Rachel's chest rising and falling with every breath. It's soothing and she thinks that maybe one day she'll be able to truly recover. As long as Rachel will be there she can actually believe she'll eventually heal.

"Go back to sleep." she hears Rachel's voice above her. It's the only voice she wants to hear, now and forever. It blanks out everything that's bad by sneaking past all barriers and filling the gaping hole in her chest every time her thoughts threaten to become dangerous again. It keeps this hole from growing large, slowly eating her from the inside. Quinn knows that if it weren't for Rachel's voice this hole in her chest would have long consumed her insides. She would have been filled with nothingness.

It's all so overwhelming with Rachel's arms around her, holding her tight and her voice entering Quinn through her ears, flowing through her veins like a new life-stream.

She lifts her head and she doesn't even think about what she's doing until her lips are touching Rachel's. She sighs, because it's like everything that happened to her during these past two years just falls apart. She's under her blanket with Rachel and bullies and accusations and missed opportunities and expectations and trucks can't hurt her. But then reality kicks in and she panics as she realizes she's kissing Rachel and her hand is actually on her waist and she pulls back and is immediately pulled back in.

"Don't." Rachel whispers before cracking her lips and pressing them against Quinn's.

So she doesn't.

* * *

><p>When she wakes up the birds are singing outside and her head is resting on Rachel's chest.<p>

Slowly she rolls to her side and when she reaches the edge of the bed she swings her legs over it until she's sitting up right with her feet touching the ground. Physiotherapy has been going great so she tells herself: 'Why not today?' before pushing herself off the bed.

The first few steps are not a problem. She's practiced after all. Then she tumbles lightly but catches herself. It's actually not as hard as she thought it would be; it just feels awkward, because she hasn't really been walking for such a long time, never more than the few steps the doctors allowed her to take.

She makes her way across the room and to the other side of the bed until she's standing right next to Rachel.

"Rachel?"

She'll still have a lot of work to do and her nightmares will probably keep haunting her for quite a while, possibly months, maybe even years. It's not that easy to shake off a traumatizing memory like that. Maybe she'll take her mom's advice and go see a therapist. That's pretty likely, actually.

"Rachel?"

She sits down on the edge of the mattress and touches Rachel's cheek with her fingertips, tracing an invisible line to her jaw and up again to her earlobe. She brushes a brunette lock away and Rachel opens her eyes. "That tickles." she whispers but smiles. "You're up."

Quinn nods.

"You need to tell me one more thing."

Rachel rubs her eyes and pushes herself up until she's sitting against the headboard.

"What is that?"

Of course Rachel knows. She must know, the way she ducks her head and bites her lower lip. But Quinn feels brave enough to face things now. Even though most emotions still terrify her, she somehow knows she won't shatter into a million pieces if she opens up a bit. No matter what happens now she won't just vanish. She won't be without friends again. She won't be without Rachel.

"You wanted to tell me what the difference is between you making up this relationship with Finn and making up the relationship with me."

Rachel pauses and squints. "Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Please." And Quinn's voice is so soft and sweet that Rachel can't but oblige. She takes a deep breath and Quinn can see how nervous she is. Whatever she'll say next, her words will be pure truth, streaming directly from her heart onto her tongue.

"The difference is that I'm in love with you. And it's not just a crush. It's not that I did any of what I've been doing for the past weeks just to check you out; it's actually the opposite. I wanted to be here, because I'm in love with you. The kind of love in which I feel like we've already been dating for three years and the crush I had has grown and blossomed to something so big and wonderful like, like… like you're my family. I wanted to be here, because I could never stay away from you; I could never not care for you. I feel like I've outgrown high school and when I look at you I'm warm and safe and that's why I'm always here. Because it feels like we've been together this entire time. I was afraid that you'll leave, but I know now that was a silly thought, because even if you don't love me back…. not like that I'm sure that we belong together. I'm sure that we'll always have that connection."

She pauses and Quinn feels Rachel's words flow through her again. She's woken her up when Quinn was lying in that hospital bed. And she's done it again every time she told Quinn she'd be ok. She's her anchor to reality, inside and outside of their private little world. It's a rush. She's alive.

"That's not fair." she says and Rachel doesn't know what she wanted to say anymore. She knows it's not fair to burden this on Quinn. She knows she shouldn't be in love with her and she knows she shouldn't tell her all this when Quinn will never love her back, when she's just making up another relationship. She knows she's just being narcissistic again and Quinn needs to recover. What she doesn't need is some egocentric diva confessing her love and demanding a response.

"It's not fair", Quinn repeats and leans forward to cup Rachel's cheeks. "That I didn't get to experience all these years we've been dating. It's not fair that you skipped through the crush phase and didn't take me with you. You skipped all our firsts and I'm a big fan of those."

She raises an eyebrow and smirks when she sees how glassy Rachel's eyes have become. Her voice trembles when she continues: "If you want all that you'll have to take me on a first date and you'll pay for dinner. And you'll give me a good night kiss and it's going to be romantic. I want my first kiss."

And Rachel blinks and smiles and leans into the touch and places a soft kiss in Quinn's palm.

"_I'll_ have to pay for dinner?" She's just teasing and they both grin foolishly when Quinn blushes.

"Well, you had your first date already apparently so it's only fair."

Rachel chuckles.

"I think we had our first kiss, though, if I remember last night correctly." she smirks, eyes fixed on Quinn's lips.

"Yes, but I didn't know it was going to happen then. It just did. I want a real first kiss with anticipation and my heart beating out of my chest, because I know what's going to happen. I want to be excited, because I know you're going to kiss me back and it's the start of something. I want that moment, that kiss to be the start of us."

Rachel's eyes stay on her lips. "So you don't think last night counts?"

Quinn sighs quietly. "You know what I mean."

And Rachel nods. "Yea. You want a proper first kiss in a moment you can savor. Like… now?" she asks, already leaning forward; their faces are only inches apart. Quinn's heart starts to flutter and her fingertips find Rachel's neck. She feels two palms on her waist when Rachel repeats, softly: "Like now?"

And Quinn feels her heart beating out of her chest when she closes the distance.

"Yea. Like now."

* * *

><p><em>Thanks for reading<em>


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